Deadspin

BCS Bid On The Line In Oklahoma [DUAN]

Sarah Schorno — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 19:30:00 EST

It's time for the big game, folks! No. 2 Texas Tech and No. 5 Oklahoma will battle it out for the division title and a spot in the BCS. The Red Raiders are trying to go undefeated for the first time after a week off, but the Sooners are averaging just over 51 points per game. Thanks to an earlier loss to Texas, Oklahoma needs to win out the rest of their season and have Texas lose their last game in order to top the division.

Lee Corso has already fired the rifle and but the wagon on his head, so I'm assuming he's going with Oklahoma. It should be an epic battle of the offenses tonight at Memorial Stadium tonight. Enjoy the open thread and try not to trash the place. I'll see you in the morning.

Photo HT TV Tan Line

Tonight's HBO Show Headlined By Hot Chicks With Douchebags [Boxing]

KOGOD — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 19:00:00 EST

I love boxing. I love the strategy, the head games, the athleticism, and of course the unparalleled drama it can offer. However tonight I'll be watching for another reason entirely. To put it simply, I want to watch Ricky "Hitman" Hatton and Pauli "Magic Man" Malignaggi beat the shit out of each other. It's not a matter of bloodlust, I just happen to dislike both fighters for various reasons and I think watching them beat the hell out of each other with their futures on the line is going to be quite enjoyable. Although both fighters enter with just one loss, both Hatton, the overindulgent Mancunian drunkard, and Malignaggi, Brooklyn's fragile-handed showman (or ponce, depending on which side of the pond you reside) are in desperate need of a convincing performance to move their stagnant careers forward. Continue after the jump for a preview of the main event as well as an undercard featuring the must-see youngster James "Mandingo" Kirkland and his terrifying and trailblazing trainer Ann(e) Wolfe.

Hatton enters the bout holding the IBO light welterweight title in addition to the far more relevant Ring Magazine belt he picked up in his last fight, an easy decision against the over matched Juan Lazcano. Malignaggi comes in off of a win of his own, although it was a rather embarrassing split decision over Lovemore N'dou that almost went down as a loss because of his most asinine hairdo to date. Seriously. But don't let those extensions fool you, because despite a the Magic Man's total lack of punching power (not to mention a pair of hands that can only successfully break themselves) he will never back down from anyone. The man lasted 12 brutal rounds against Miguel Cotto, a loss that says more about him than any of his 25 wins. Hatton isn't nearly the fighter Cotto is, but he is expected to attack the challenger with similar pressure.

I may be completely nuts, but I do believe that Malignaggi learned a valuable lesson his last time out. Although he's already hyping another asinine ring entrance, he seems intent on quieting his many detractors and I believe he can outpoint Hatton. Pauli will have to dominate the fight with his jab that will help him score on Hatton and help to keep Hatton at arm's lenght. For Hatton to win he will need to keep the pressure on Malignaggi all night long without getting flustered by his opponent's elusiveness. The champion is a pretty sizable favorite to defeat the Magic Man, but he of all people knows that it won't come easy, especially if he isn't in shape.

When Malignaggi was criticizing promoters for hyping up over the hill legends while allowing the sport's future stars to languish in obscurity I immediately began to think of this card's true star, James "Mandingo" Kirkland. The 24 year-old southpaw from Texas is one of this country's great young fighters, yet casual fans would be hard-pressed to pick him out of a lineup. The man who calls himself "Mandingo" hasn't let any of his four most recent fights get out of the second round, but this time he's up against a tough Brian Vera. Before his last fight Vera was best known as one of the multitude of Contender fighters with a limited future, but then he stepped up and sent Emmanuel Steward's uber-prospect Andy Lee back to Ireland with a seventh round stoppage.

Also featured on the card is the reliably entertaining Rey "Boom-Boom" Bautista taking on Heriberto "Cuate" Ruiz and, of course, Hatton's far less talented brother, Matthew. This time he'll be paraded out to take on Ben Tackie, a fighter who has lost to a long list of impressive names, including the Hitman.

To Watch Tonight [Television]

Sarah Schorno — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 18:15:00 EST

What to watch while finding Joe Paterno's first car...
• College Football: Pittsburgh at Cincinnati (7:15pm, ET) Two Big East leaders fight for bragging rights. Woo and Hoo. [ESPN2]
• College Football: Texas Tech at Oklahoma (8:00pm, ET) Biggest game of the day. Lee Corso even took a nap in preparation. [ABC]
• Boxing: Champion Ricky Hatton vs. Paul Malignaggi (10:00pm, ET) The drunk Brit FTW! [HBO]

Yao Ming, Charles Barkley, D Wade Make Comedy Gold [Afternoon Blogdome]

Sarah Schorno — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 17:30:00 EST

• What happens when you put Charles Barkley and Dwyane Wade in a Chinese restaurant and then throw in Yao and some gigantic shrimp. Comedy of course! [Awful Announcing]

• "The announced firing of Oklahoma City Thunder coach P.J. Carlesimo should come as no surprise to anyone who was foolish enough to catch last night's game." And I'm guessing this guy is pleased with the decision. [The Sports Hernia]

• We're always eager to post a pic of a Song Girl flashing her underwear. While riding a bull. And possibly intoxicated. [Jersey Chaser]

• I'm not sure about the photo quiz but I'm definitely a fan of the cartoon teacher with the big ass. [Melt Your Face Off]

Hugh Johnson Feels Right At Home In Beaver Stadium [The Hugh Johnson Project]

KOGOD — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 16:45:00 EST

Penn State needs to secure a home win this afternoon against Michigan State, and through one and a half quarters things couldn't be going much better. The Nittany Lions have built up a 14-0 lead over the Spartan. Penn State is getting great performances out of quarterback Daryll Clark,who has thrown for an efficient 118 yards and a touchdown, and running back Evan Royster who is averaging over five and a half yards per carry.

In slightly less competitive fair, Florida has run up a 70-19 due in large part to the team's six rushing touchdowns. Even one of their defensive tackles has a rushing touchdown. Tebow meanwhile went 9-11 for 201 yards and three touchdowns before being replaced by John Brantley. Still, expect a bunch of people to call Urban Meyer an asshole tomorrow.

Elsewhere in the SEC, LSU is down two touchdowns to Jevan Snead's Rebels of Ole Miss. It's only a matter of time before some car dealership decides to burn an effigy of Les Miles. And now, for your comments...

Yep, this is the Illinois football I'm used to . . . the kind that makes us all happy when basketball season arrives. -kingdonut66

Cal Poly up 7-0 on Wisconsin at Camp Randall thanks to one Ryan Mole, burrowing through the Badgers' D with a bad French accent. -Signal2Noise

Cal-Poly over Wisconsin 13-0 in the 2nd. If that score holds up, Bret Bielema will get ass-raped by Barry Alvarez after the game. -kingdonut66

Gary Danielson is clapping sarcastically at a call by LSU. Apparently CBS is the home of the biggest jackass announcers in college football. -drscooter19

Praise Jesus, the Washington-Washington State game has finally kicked off. Bring on the competitive, well played football. -sgtabesimpson

What's Cuter Than A Mascot Holding A Box Of Kittens? [Denver Nuggets]

Sarah Schorno — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 16:15:00 EST

Those feisty folks at PETA are at it again. This week's target of their ire? The Denver Nuggets. Apparently the Nuggets involved a few live animals during a game and the animal rights organization is none too pleased, calling for action on their website.

During a recent Denver Nuggets basketball game, Rocky, the team's costumed mascot, paraded around the game floor with two live tiger cubs, whom he held up in the air as the fans roared and screamed. Fans were also able to have their photos taken with the cubs. Rocky next came onto the court with a cardboard box full of kittens, announced that they were free to anyone who wanted one, and proceeded to pass them out to the crowd.

Sounds like the best arena giveaway ever to me. So what's the problem?

Handing kittens out like candy to any spectator who wants one is a virtual death sentence for the animals. All too often, people who acquire cats on a whim discover that caring for them is more work than they expected, and the animals end up dumped on the streets, abandoned in extremely crowded animal shelters, or obtained by unscrupulous individuals who sell them to laboratories or use them in dogfights or rituals.

Damn you, Michael Vick! Ruined it for everybody. Although a ring full of kittens might just make for the cutest illegal dogfight ever.

Danyelle Sargent Cozies Up To a Coach Turned Blogger and a Playmate [Sideline Reporters Need Love Too]

Sarah Schorno — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 15:45:00 EST

Sideline reporter, and Mike Francessa target, Danyelle Sargent has apparently been busy since her Mike Singletary/Bill Walsh mishap. It turns out she's dating former former coach of the Warriors Eric Musselman and has also made friends with former Hef slave and Hank Baskett love Kendra Wilkinson.

Musselman, as some of you may know, has found a new career as a sports blogger after being fired one season in to his head coaching job in Sacramento. His year with the Kings was littered with rumors of alcohol abuse as well as a DUI which is said to have lead to his firing. Sargent may also have lost her job due to acts of stupidity. So they've got that going for them, which is nice.

Danyelle Sargent’s Ex-NBA Head Coach Boyfriend [Sports by Brooks]

Hugh Is Impressed With What He Sees From the 'Eers [The Hugh Johnson Project]

KOGOD — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 15:00:01 EST

West Virginia, led by the fleet-footed Pat White, is having a field day on the ground in Louisville. Energized by a goaline stand to end the half the Mountaineers opened things up and have now compiled well over three hundred yards on the ground. White is leading the way with 199 yards and three touchdowns on the ground with two additional touchdowns coming through the air. Noel Devine is racking up the stats as well, having surpassed the 100 yard mark with ease thanks in part to one run of 79 yards.

Louisville has run the ball with success as well, but Hunter Cantwell's two interceptions have been drive-killers. The 'Eers lead 35-21 in the fourth quarter. Elsewhere Syracuse and Notre Dame are getting underway in a game that no sane person would ever want to watch. Ohio State is still pissing on the Wolverines and NC State remains poised to play the role of spoiler against their rivals from Chapel Hill. Oh and hey, Tennessee is WINNING a game, and they are pumped!

As usual U of M finds a way to screw over MSU. Most years it's kicking the shit out of them. This year they've decided to continue shitting the bed into the last game of the season against Ohio State, thus depriving MSU of a shot at the Rose Bowl. What a bunch of sore losers. -Ray

The only difference between the Crapple Cup and Cuse-ND: NBC's announcers will keep up the lie that the game is in any way interesting. -Signal2Noise

Michigan's QB got rocked by Laurinaitis, prompting Brad Nessler to remark that he "just got a mouthful of number 33." Ahem. (A "mouthful"? Really, Brad??) -Dexter Fishmore

Ohio State is so happy with what Rich Rodriguez has done with the Michigan program, they're going to have him dot the "i" -Fitz350z

Michigan is less offensive than France's military. -ahp 9

Horrified by the computer generated dancing whales commercial on ABC, I quickly turned to ESPN in hopes of something better. Only I found something worse: scenes from the Kentucky Tattoo Expo, featuring a young yokel with a Colonel Sanders tattoo on his thigh. Why couldn't they have shown Kige Ramsey instead? -sgtabesimpson

Wow. No wonder no one cares about the Ivy League. Harvard 10, Yale 0. Versus is now ready to pull the contract on "The Game". It'll be the first time in their history that they've pulled a contract on anything. -kingdonut66

Six Pabst later and Pam Ward STILL scares the shit out of me. -DannyBoy0268

So Bob Griese thinks Todd Boeckman is of value to the Buckeyes. Well, I have two words for Griese: GET FUCKED. Boeckman was the weak link in that Ohio State offense since 2007, and it was Tressel's loyalty to him that cost the Bucks any shot of winning at Southern Cal. Save your dogfucking QB opinions for your journeyman son. Fuckface. -mmpunter (Ed. note- That's our Punte)

Joey Porter Refuses To Stop Talking [Shut Yo Mouf]

Sarah Schorno — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 14:15:00 EST

Everyone's favorite batshit crazy linebacker, Joey Porter, has graced us with some words of wisdom yet again. In an interview with the South Florida Sun Sentinel, Porter pleads his case on behalf of Michael Vick and pit bulls. When asked if Vick should get a second chance, Porter replied:

"He should. All it was was dogs. They act like they don't even like pit bulls. That's the funny thing about it. I got pit bulls. I got to put them under a different breed just to travel. You can't fly pit bulls nowhere.

"It's not even like they were fighting cocker spaniels or something they like. They don't even so much care about pit bulls. Nobody."

So if I'm understanding this correctly, if it's a breed such as pit bulls that no one likes then it's ok to fight them? I'm building my hockey mom ring right now.

Joey Porter Senses a Pit Bull Paradox [The Sporting Blog]

Could NFL League Officials be involved in ...

Sarah Schorno — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 13:45:00 EST

Could NFL League Officials be involved in a scandalous cover-up? Oh please let this be true. Pro-football talk has the speculation. [Pro Football Talk]

Hugh Aren't What You Used to Be [The Hugh Johnson Project]

KOGOD — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 13:30:00 EST

This interesting little piece of body comes from Rate My Tattoos (via FanIQ) and it's probably a pretty good representation of today's rivalry game. Ohio State is dominating Michigan to absolutely nobody's surprise behind a 59 yard Beanie Wells touchdown run and a 53 yard touchdown catch from Brian Hartline that has accounted for most of Terrell Pryor's passing yards. Pretty much everything about Michigan has been god fucking awful to this point. The only real question is whether they'll finish this game with or without positive offensive yardage. So far, it's looking like a toss-up. Elsewhere, Purdue is stomping their in-state rivals into the ground while West Virginia and Louisville are tied at 7 because Noel Devine stumbled on his way into the endzone on fourth down just before halftime. Continue after the jump for the comments.

So I turned on the channel that I thought was ABC and saw Rutgers vs Army. Then I found the real ABC and the Ohio State/Michigan game. The only way this could have been worse is turnig on ABC and hearing Pam Ward say "welcome to Iowa where the Hawkeyes are taking Northwestern. " -drscooter19

Michigan's defense, spending more time on the field than the Ohio State Grounds Crew does, combined, during the week. -Fraganhome

Pam Ward gets Indiana-Purdue. And immediately, everyone in the state of Indiana puts it on mute. HA HA, FUCKERS! -KingDonut66

Paul McGuire is on the tOSU/Michigan sideline hunched over on a chair with a blanket on his lap, a cup of coffee in hand, and he is visibly spitting while he's talking. Who knew Lou Holtz had a twin.
- SoonerSteve

Forget a college football playoff. President-Elect Obama needs to put his weight behind the Guns Up! Bill, which would keep rifles and assault weapons out of the hands of Lee Corso. -Signal2Noise

New discovery: Bill Stewart Face : college football :: Norv Face : NFL -Signal2Noise

Who this "Dexter Fishmore" fool? Damn... gotta change my AIM handle to CamNewtonianPhysics before five-oh figure out this laptop ain't mine. Don't wanna have to defenstrate another these bitchez.... -Dexter Fishmore

its "saved by the bell" on fox vs ohio st-michigan on ABC. This is a lot closer than it should be — then again, Kelly and Zack break up in this episode and I keep expecting Jessie to nail him in a pool. -Zombie Jesus X

May the loser of the Apple Cup be doomed to a year of hitting themselves in the crotch with a rubber mallet. -colbypkp678

You know what's less depressing to watch than this Michigan-Ohio State game? CNBC's stock tickers re-creating 1929. -fraganhome

Jets QB Not Named Favre Suspended For Violating Drug Policy [Steroids]

Sarah Schorno — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 13:00:00 EST

It is not a good week for back-up quarterbacks. First it was Florida, now the Jets. It seems that Jets Rookie QB Erik Ainge was suspended four games by the NFL on Friday for violating the league’s policy on steroids and related substances. It doesn't seem to be a huge loss for the team:

Ainge's suspension has no immediate impact on the roster, as he was put on injured reserve Oct. 29 with a foot injury. The suspension does cost Ainge money, however, as he will forfeit four game checks.

The other Jets player to be suspended this season was running back Jesse Chatman, who missed the first four games. Chatman, coincidentally, also was put on injured reserve Oct. 29 after suffering a knee injury against the Chiefs on Oct. 26.

Well shit. There goes my fantasy team.

For Your Viewing Pleasure [Television]

Sarah Schorno — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 12:30:00 EST

• Noon - Michigan at Ohio State [ABC]
• Noon - West Virginia at Louisville [ESPN]
• Noon - Indiana at Purdue [ESPN2]
• Noon - Yale at Harvard [Versus]
• 2:00 - LPGA: ADT Championship, Third Round [Golf Channel]
• 2:30 - Syracuse at Notre Dame
• 3:00 - Washington at Washington State [FSN]
• 3:30 - Boston College at Wake Forest [ESPN]
• 3:30 - Michigan State at Penn State or Stanford at California [ABC]
• 3:30 - Mississippi at LSU [CBS]
• 3:30 - Air Force at TCU [Versus]

Erin Andrews Is Not A Fan Of The Facebook [Morning Blogdome]

Sarah Schorno — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 12:00:00 EST

• Erin Andrews chats with Dave Hollander, pretends not to know what Facebook is. Also thinks her being one of sports most talked about personalities isn't as good as being a cheerleader. In talking about her dancing says at Florida, Andrews says, "I'm still close with a lot of the girls. A few of them went on to become Lakers Girls, Denver Broncos cheerleaders. I was the only one who turned out to be nothing. All the rest of 'em danced for NFL teams and I didn't do anything." Oh gag me with the humility spoon. [FanHouse]

• Rasheed Wallace brings us a video of the nicknames he gave his teammates. I'm still trying to figure out "coffee with no cream". [Yardbarker]

• After watching Brock Lesnar become the UFC heavyweight champion in just his fourth professional fight this weekend, it got us thinking: has anyone else jumped to the forefront of his sport with such ease? In his honor, here are our Top 12 Fast Risers in Sports History. [Pyle of List]

Joe Paterno Isn't Going Anywhere, According To Joe Paterno [Ncaa Football]

Sarah Schorno — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 11:30:00 EST

In front of a pep rally crowd of over 6,500 spectators, Joe Paterno announced that, despite rumors, he has no intentions of retiring, meaning he'll be staying on for 2009. An exciting announcement for sure, unless you're one of the Penn State boosters. Or the athletic director. Or anyone with any sense. Seriously, how do you get rid of a legend like JoePa when he's clearly past his expiration date and announcing another year of coaching?

Shaking a metal walking cane at his Rally in the Valley audience, the 81-year-old head football coach declared, "No matter what you read, no matter what you think, I'm not going away tomorrow.

"I believe in what Penn State is all about," Paterno told the Nittany Lions faithful. "I'm not going to walk out of that press box a loser."

Penn State needs a win against Michigan State today to earn a trip to the Rose Bowl for the first time in 13 years. Michigan State could steal the bid with a win against Penn State and an Ohio State loss. Not an easy task, as the Spartans have lost 10 straight games against ranked opponents.

• A BCS bid is at stake today for Utah, with a must-win match-up against BYU today. The Utes are unbeaten and ranked eighth in the country. May the best Mormon win.

• A full schedule of today's games coming up in For Your Viewing Pleasure.

Just a reminder to send in your comments ...

KOGOD — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 11:25:00 EST

Just a reminder to send in your comments to The Hugh Johnson on AIM. Only you can make Indiana-Purdue entertaining!

Duke Beats Michigan, Coaches Take On Cancer [College Basketball Closer]

Sarah Schorno — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 11:00:00 EST

Coach K and the Blues Devils took home the title in the 2K Sports Classic at Madison Square Garden. Duke was able to easily defeat Michigan 71-56, despite a 25 point performance by the Wolvernines' Manny Harris. The Blue Devils won all four of their games in the 2K Sports Classic by an average of 28.5 points, which just happens to match the dollar amount for which the devil purchased Coach K's soul.

• UNC's golden son Tyler Hansbrough played well in his first game back on the court after his season was delayed by a minor leg injury. The Tar Heels knocked off UC Santa Barbara in a 84-67 win. According to UNC coach Roy Williams, Hansbrough was a gametime decision, a decision that I'm sure was influenced by the injury to the "other Tyler" Zeller.

But players injuries seem to be the least of the problems with last night's game. According to the wire reports,"Santa Barbara's rabid students were warned by the public address announcer before tip-off to keep their chants clean." Boy, there is nothing worse than fans with rabies.

• Stephen Curry had yet another impressive performance with 30 points and a career-high 13 assists in Davidson's 97-70 trouncing of Winthrop last night. The nation's leading scorer is making his transition from shooting guard to point guard quite well.

"I'm still making mistakes out there, making careless turnovers," Curry insisted. "I've got to figure out how to control the ball a little better. I think in transition I've got it pretty much where I need to be."

I'm filling in my bracket already. Davidson FTW.

Vince Carter's Your Daddy [Nba Closer]

Sarah Schorno — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 10:30:00 EST

Vince Carter bitch slapped his former team, scoring 39 points, hitting a game-tying three at the buzzer, and reverse dunking in the Nets 129-127 OT win over Toronto. The loss was bittersweet for the Raptors' Chris Bosh who finished the game with 42 points. New Jersey's Devon Harris contributed his own 30 points to the win before calling Carter's performance "incredible".

"He's been doing that his whole career, but I've never seen it firsthand," Harris said. "I was out there watching it just like everybody else."

Harris' performance came despite feeling a little pukey from his pre-game grilled cheese sandwich. Word on the street is that he left the game, threw up, and came back. All in attendance were glad he did it in that order.

• In other OT news, Dwight Howard had a double-double in Orlando's 100-98 win over Indiana. Howard finished with 24 points, 17 rebounds and five blocks. Unfortunately if your name is Dwight Howard, nobody is impressed. Especially teammate Jameer Nelson.

"It's not a shock to us when he has games like that anymore,'' Nelson said. "He's done it so many times in his career so far, we expect numbers like that from him. He's our guy and we expect him to do great things for us.''

Geez. Tough crowd.

• Elton Brand hit a 15 footer with less than a minute to go to give the 76ers the 89-88 win over the Clippers. This was Brand's first game against the team he jilted with no explanation after last season for an $80 million contract with Philadelphia. LA coach Mike Dunleavy is still playing the woman scorned.

"If he called me up and said, 'Coach, I know I told you I was coming back, but I think a situation came up that's better for my family, I'm going to move on,' then, hey, sorry to hear it, but I wish you the best and good luck," Dunleavy said before the game.

Yeah, right.

• I happened to be in attendance for the Wizards inspiring 103-91 loss to the Rockets. Washington held a number of leads as high as 12 points and managed to blow them all. The high point of the game was the unveiling of Gilbert Arenas' wax statue, a reminder to the fans who may have forgotten what Gilbert looks like in uniform.

• The Knicks took on the Bucks with a limited roster thanks to yesterday's trading frenzy so Stephon Marbury finally got his chance to play. He said no.

Gator Quarterback Not Named Tebow Charged With Burglary [Ncaa Football]

Sarah Schorno — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 10:00:00 EST

Florida Gators backup quarterback, Cameron Newton, was arrested, charged with felony burglary, and suspended from the team after stealing a classmate's laptop. Newton got caught when, in a stroke of genius, he used the stolen laptop to access the school's network. Oh, but that's not all. When he realized he was going to be caught, he threw the laptop out of his dorm window.

A student reported the computer stolen Oct. 16, according to the police report, and an investigation

University police went to Newton’s dorm Friday, were invited inside and noticed the laptop on Newton’s desk. Officers left the room to confirm that the computer matched the serial code of the laptop reported stolen, according to the report. When they returned, it was gone.

According to police, the laptop had been painted black on the top and had “Cam Newton” written on the top in white paint. Officers found the computer behind a trash bin outside the dorm and learned that “Mr. Newton threw the computer out of his bedroom window,” the report said.

Arrested, kicked off the team, and referred to in the headlines only as "Tebow's backup". Talk about insult to injury.

Now when you think about it, players can't have jobs, can't accept gifts, and generally have no money. What's left to do but pimp some nerd's computer? Am I right? Free Newton!

Watch for falling objects around Cam Newton's dorm room [Dr. Saturday]

Breaking News: The Oklahoma City Thunder ...

KOGOD — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 09:35:01 EST

Breaking News: The Oklahoma City Thunder have fired coach P.J. Carlesimo following a 1-12 start. The seal has been broken so Eddie Jordan should probably be pretty nervous right now.

Where the Strong Feast On the Weak [The Deadspin Pub]

KOGOD — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 09:30:00 EST

Welcome to another glorious weekend at the Deadspin Pub. This week we're featuring huge clashes between Italian powers Inter and Juventus as well as a huge match in England pitting the Red Devils against the Villans. Aside from that the day is primarily composed of world powers like Liverpool, Chelsea, Bayern Munich, and Real Madrid taking on the relative weaklings of their respective leagues. Continue after the jump for a breakdown of the day's action, including the day's featured matches from the EPL and Serie A.

Co-Matches of the Day...

EPL - Aston Villa vs. Manchester United at 1:00 pm on FSC
Honestly, what more needs to be said about this match between the third and fifth place squads on the EPL table? Martin O'Neill's club has been superb in recent weeks, and now even Sir Alex Ferguson believes that Villa could wind up qualifying for the Champions League by finishing in one of the coveted spots among the top four. Of course to do that the Scotsman will have to unseat one of the big four, but that hardly seems out of the question at this point in the season. Villa is coming off of a dismantling of Arsenal which has left them tied with the Gunners at 23 points, good enough for a top four spot on the table. Sir Alex's side rests just one point clear of today's challengers, and they'll need a superb effort all over the pitch to ensure a victory over an inspired Villa side.

Serie A- Inter Milan vs. Juventus at 2:30 pm on FSC
A win for Juve would vault them into a tie on points with Inter, however the Milanese side would likely remain atop the table based on goal differential (+3 over Juve going into the match). Of course Inter's rivals will have something to say about that on Sunday seeing as how they currently sit between the two age-old rivals. Jose Mourinho is calling it "another match" although the rest of Italy would probably beg to differ. The biggest question for the former Chelsea boss is whether he'll fit a disgruntled Adriano into the starting 11 for Internazionale. Regardless, the Special One will be looking to gain a huge leg up in the arduous Serie A season with three crucial points on the line. And yes, this is one of those Serie A matches that I'll force myself to watch, no matter how much I hate Inter. Sure college football will be on, but every good household should be equipped with a pair of televisions.

Other televised matches of interest...

EPL - Liverpool vs Fulham at 10:00 am on Setanta
Hey Fulham, you're going to lose, so the least you could do is let Deuce Dempsey play more than 20 minutes. Don't forget, we saved your asses in WWII and we kept you out of relegation last year. And that ends this week's installment of The Entitled American.

EPL - Chelsea vs. Newcastle at 10:00 am on FSC
Just win, baby! Oh, and be sure to humiliate the Magpies if you get a chance. Although I do enjoy their beer.

Bundesilga - Bayern Munich vs Energie Cottbus at 11:30 on GolTV
Don't blink or you'll likely miss a lot of balls traveling at high rates of speed past the Energie keeper. Seriously, how has Lukas Podalski not ruptured a net?

La Liga - Real Madrid vs Recreativo at 2:00 pm on GolTV
Another huge mismatch that should be good for the fan of goal scoring. Real is coming off of a bad loss against Valladolid and they've allowed a combined six goals in their past two victories, so to say Bernd Schuster's could use a positive result would be a gross understatement. Regardless, I'm taking it upon myself to set the number of goals scored by Madrid's Dutch internationals at 2 even without the services of Arjen Robben (stupid doctors).

Ligue 1 - PSG vs Lyon at 3:00 pm on Setanta
The Parisians are on fire so they couldn't possibly ask for a better time to face the dominating league champions from Lyon. The French might not have the money and star power of their European brethren, but this match will show that they still put out an impressive product.

La Liga - Sevilla vs Valencia at 4:00 pm on GolTV
Good God, what an awesome match this is going to be. In all honesty it should be amongst the day's featured matches listed above, but if you miss it it's your own damn fault. Pretty much any televised match from La Liga is worth your time, but when you're talking about two top contenders for the league's top four positions you should expect an epic clash. Earlier I mentioned Inter's Adriano, but the his namesake and fellow Brazilian playing for Sevilla is much more fun to watch.

EPL - Manchester City vs Arsenal at 5:00 pm (tape delay) on Setanta
Tape delay? Fuck you, television!

I'm sorry, I take that back. I love you television, with all my heart. If you love me back you'll show me nothing but glorious goals from Robinho and his fellow Citizens, no matter how hard Bertin and Hirshey pray for the opposite.

Enjoy the games and be sure to follow along in the comments as always.

Some Day, Somebody's Gonna Make You Wanna Turn Around And Say Goodbye [Week In Review]

DAULERIO — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:10:11 EST

Last night was supposed to be a crowning achievement for Deadspin, LLP. The Phil Savage email story was scheduled to be on the late night SportsCenter, but was then axed by the producers because the night was was supposedly "heavy." I was even sent a copy of the opening to the segment: "Story on SportsCenter. It begins : As someone who has been the punchline on Deadspin - you don't want to be the punchline on Deadspin ....."

See? That would've been kind of cool. Granted, Deadspin has been mentioned on plenty of other ESPN programs, either intentionally or unintentionally, by fans of the site who work there, who know they're not supposed to be talking about it, for whatever reason. But not SportsCenter — not the show pony. Last night was an opportunity for that to happen. The relationship between ESPN and all sports blogs, as you know, has become more transparent. They know of their existence, they'll acknowledge when necessary, and, one day, one of those blogs that has tweaked ESPN in the past will get their proper acknowledgment. Then everything will really go to shit.

This week's stories you may have missed for whatever reason.

• Simmons quits his podcast

• SHOTY nominations

• Brett Favre — Fuck Yeah!

• Was the dimwitted USC Song girl really cheering for Texas?

• Deep inside the A-11 offense

• The Fire Joe Morgan farewell interview

That's it. Go take a nap. Next week, will be very short. And next Friday — I'm going all Wayback Machine. Rick and Dash will have the day off and I'll be doing a half day on Deadspin like it was 2006 and I was subbing for Leitch and just trying to test his patience. So, expect a Cultural Oddsmaker and 12 other posts with inappropriate tags that will help us all remember that I once had a pulse that pumped hot urine.

Sarah Schorno will be handling the weekend duties — treat her well.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin, who's most definitely not now. Who's Now? SKEETS.

What Is There To Do In State College, Pennsylvania? [Whimsy]

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:41:53 EST

Tomorrow morning, I will wake up at an unholy hour to drive to Penn State University for the foot-ball contest between the nation's two premiere land grant colleges. (Look it up.) It will be my first trip ever to Happy Valley and Beaver Stadium and part of my journey will be to figure out why there are so many names for one little place. (Fun fact: Beaver Stadium is not named after the animal!)

I bought the tickets many months ago never believing that the game would actually be meaningful (for either team), but there are actual Big Ten, Rose Bowl and BCS implications awaiting the outcome. I'm trying not to think about that, although Clay's excessive confidence in the outcome does give me hope.) Plus, it's like the biggest stadium on the planet or something and I've never seen a sporting event from the 71st row of an upper deck. (71! Who knew they went that high?)

My question is: What the heck am I supposed to do there when the game is not actually in session? I suppose I could find a tailgate to latch on to while I wait for the gates to open, but that seems like asking for trouble. So what do I need to see, eat, drink, visit or stumble over to fully enjoy the Penn State experience? You know, aside from the painfully cold winds and that incessant roaring sound over the PA system.

Penn State safety, on facing MSU: 'This is probably the biggest game I’ve been in' [Detroit Free Press]
Penn State focused on winning Big 10 title [Clearfield Progress]

To Watch Tonight [Tv Time]

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:05:00 EST

What to watch while you take the turducken to glorious new heights ...

• College Basketball: Coaches vs. Cancer Classic Final: Michigan vs. Duke (7:00 p.m., ET) What's not to like? [ESPN2]
• NBA: Houston Rockets at Washington Wizards (7:00 p.m., ET) Wax Arenas should be good 15 and 5. [ESPN]
• College Football: Fresno State Bulldogs at San Jose State ~~Aztecs~~ Spartans (9:30 p.m., ET) Great. Now I'll never tell these two schools apart. (see?!) [ESPN2]
• NBA: New Orleans Hornets at Oklahoma City Thunder (9:30 p.m., ET). What's that noise? [ESPN]

Dan Patrick discusses Chinese Democracy with ...

DAULERIO — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:45:46 EST

Dan Patrick discusses Chinese Democracy with Rob Tannenbaum. Dan Patrick was 31 years old when Appetite came out. He's Mr. Hip. [Dan Patrick]

Some Sweet, Sweet Charlie Weis Love, And Other Unconventional Sports Crushes [Waxing Off]

Rick Chandler — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:30:39 EST

Once upon a time, a site called The Black Table had a regular feature entitled Waxing Off, in which women gathered in an online roundtable to discuss issues of the day, and also to make fun of Will Leitch's shoes. And so we got to thinking: With so many great female sports bloggers out there, why not import the idea here? It's just crazy enough to work. So behold: The latest edition of Deadspin's Waxing Off. We found some terrific female writers who were willing to pen short pieces on this week's topic: Unconventional sports crushes.

I think women are smart, don't get me wrong. But for the life of me I can't figure out how Lyle Lovett scored him some Julia Roberts. And Enza Sambataro dumps Ben Affleck for Kevin Youkilis? (room spinning, must sit down). OK ladies, explain yourselves. You have six posts in which to do so.

By the way, if you'd like to be part of the Waxing Off writing staff, email myself at Rick@Deadspin.com, or Mr. Daulerio at AJD@Deadspin.com.

President Steezarak:

You’ve surely heard the old song, “If you wanna be happy the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.” It’s pretty offensive … offensively honest that is. And I think you can swap the genders and the moral stays the same. I also think a hot girl is more likely to marry a schmo than the other way around, though perhaps that’s an issue for my therapist to help me work through.

So with that in mind, my unconventional crush is Charlie Weis. He is also my conventional crush in that he would literally crush me in the sack. Why Coach Weis? I’m glad you asked.

First, he’s fat. Did you notice? Stand next to a fat person, and suddenly you’re feeling pretty good about your weight and appearance. Not only do you look skinnier comparatively, but fat people always give you self-loathing compliments about how skinny you are. And though yes, you have to do the obligatory, “oh, I’m not that skinny,” in your head you’re like “OH HELL YES!!!” Even if you weren’t “actually” skinny, you would be soon because he’d be eating everything in sight.

Second, he is like totally OMFG BFFs with Tom Brady. Seriously if you’re gonna be married to guy looking like Charlie (or Chaz as he prefers to be called), make sure he has hot friends you can have an affair with. In my head, Tom would be so mystified about the tall skinny (!!! it’s working !!!) girl dating/hooking up with/married to his former coach, he’d just HAVE to see what he was missing out on. Since he has super swimmers, I’d obviously get pregnant and blackmail the pants off of him. It will be amazing.

And finally, I hate Notre Dame. A lot of people do actually. I want to do a favor for those people and the rest of the world and be the person to take “one for the team” and make Charlie Weis pay. We’re talking humiliating role play leaked to the newspapers (haha, just kidding, no one reads newspapers); rumors about orgies spreading across the blogosphere; sex tapes posted on Perez. Sure, I’d have to spend a fortune on stand-ins for those because ain’t no way I’m participating, but totally worth every dime (thanks to baby daddy Tom Brady). Once his precious personal life is destroyed, I’ll take his precious elite football program away too. Oh wait someone beat me to it.

— President Steezarak is a Texas Longhorn fan living in Washington D.C. who once mistook Will Muschamp for Jesus.

—-—-—-

The Head Chick In Charge:

Tony Kornheiser could get it. That's right. Loud, sloppy, nasty forbidden nursing home sex that will threaten society's acceptance of Cialis and make his children worry about their inheritance. He's a White man that dances, albeit penguin. And he sounds smart (especially to himself) when he's talking. And he likes to play dress up. He's perfect! And he's not as old as I thought. I was shocked to learn that he's only 61 years old. Truthfully, I doubt this. Who knew? Before there was a Kim Zolciak of Real Housewives of Atlanta, there was a Anthony Irwin Kornheiser lying about his age. Anyway, he doesn't look a day over 73 and I'd be happy to tempt him away from his wife. Yes, Tony Reali is the obvious choice from that set, but I generally disapprove of men wearing jeans that cost more than $100. Real men like Kornheiser wear sweater vests and aren't afraid to wear their reading glasses when they need them. Some people complain about Kornheiser. They say he's a bad boy, especially when he's on Monday Night Football. That it's undeniable that he'll eventually annoy me to death. That he'll emphasize the obvious until my head explodes. That we'll never last. Those people don't know the real Tony. I know the real Tony. He's cantankerous, yet delightful. He's the PTI Tony, the Washington Post Tony. The MNF Tony is just a front. And I just adore him.

I dare to dream, but maybe Tony and I will have a future together riding together in a luxury bus across the 48 contiguous and clipping coupons and doing all the things that old people do. Well, I'm not old ... but I will happily play the May to his December, plow him with red wine and spend his money. He is rich now, cha-ching! But I'm no gold digger. I'm down for clipping the aforementioned coupons. Did you know you can get a free Dr. Pepper if you download the coupon from the corresponding site on Sunday? That's the most useful mention of Chinese Democracy and/or GNR that has appeared on this site in weeks. I hope Tony likes dessert ...

— The HCIC owns the domain name for Leave The Man Alone.

—-—-—-

Samantha Wood:

This is embarrassing, but I love Jon Runyan.

I have a little crush on Runyan, the 300-pound offensive tackle for my Eagles. So the natural question is, why? Why would a girl like me, a third of his size, and a little more than half his age be attracted to this man?

I have no idea.

My best guess is it’s because he’s nasty at football, and, to me at least, he slightly resembles a teddy bear. Also, he bowls. He bowls for charities! How could you not find that cute?

In general, fans develop unusual crushes (yes, even man-crushes) on athletes because of their talent. Or maybe it’s because of their “interesting” looks. Or maybe it’s something else altogether. Who knows why we love?

Basically my point is that if Jon Runyan’s reading this, I would really like a hug (I know he’s married with three kids). And I apologize in advance, but I can’t resist mentioning that he’s #69. Immature? Yes. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

— Sam is a journalism student in Boston who will never get tired of working “World Fucking Champions” into every possible conversation.

—-—-—-

J-Money:

For the past decade, I've had a thing for professional golfer/CBS broadcaster/serial adulterer Nick Faldo because there's something incredibly sexy about six major championships, more green jackets than the night manager at Bennigan's, and a loose moral code.

I'm still not sure why I chose him to be my athletic obsession. He's older than Velcro and golf isn't the most athletic pursuit, straddling the line between 'sport' and 'hobby' just like archery or whittling or arson, but I'd still put my mashie near his niblick, if you know what I mean (AND I THINK YOU DO).

There were certain parallels between us that made him more attractive, like the fact that he's from England and I'm from West Virginia, two places where the accents make it difficult to understand the locals and the dental industry is non-existent. I also played golf for several years, even though my career achievements were limited to the Coalfield Conference Championship (1995), the Everyone Assumes You're A Lesbian Open (1995-1998) and the Feed That Chili Dog to that Seagull and You'll Never Play Here Again Tournament (1997). He also left his second wife for a college player—one only a few semesters older than me—so he actually seemed attainable in that twisted Lifetime movie kind of way.

I was in the crowd at Augusta in '96, the year Greg Norman choked harder than the late Linda Lovelace and handed Nick the last of his six majors. Despite getting close enough to him to count the pleats on his Stain Defenders, I don't think he ever saw me, which is probably for the best since I was fond of coral lipstick and skorts at the time.

Faldo has since swapped the Masters for a mic to become CBS's lead golf analyst. He doesn't play very much anymore and neither do I, but I still think about him every time I do tee one up and, Nick, if you're reading this I hope the next time you kiss a claret jug (and face it, you're going to have to do this with one you already have), that — just once — you'll think of me.

— J-Money is a freelance writer and responsible for The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy. She hasn't worn a skort since 1996.

—-—-—-

Ciara:

Greg Oden could get it. Yes, Nat Turner's right-hand-man could get it in a heartbeat. I don't know what it is but there is something so normal about that cat that makes me want to take him home to meet my Pops.

It started way before he went to Ohio State. I remember watching a short piece about him on the four-letter network. Minus the height, he didn't come off with that typical athlete vibe. He had glasses on too, so he came off like a dork. He was so anti-athlete to me that he had me intrigued from the get-go.

He isn't your typical pretty boy like Kobe. He doesn't even have that understated fineness like Chris Paul. Greg Oden looks like a dude that you would see from around the way and that is what makes him so attractive to me. Pretty boys are either cocky or gay (Jimmy Jackson, I'm talking to you).

For one, Greg Oden isn't that bad to look at. Remember, it isn't like he's on Tyrone Hill status or something (like my Pops said, Tyrone Hill looks like he drinks turpentine). Secondly, dude can take a joke about his looks. He knows that he looks like Father Time and he can laugh it off with the best of them. Lastly, he looks like he could pick me up. That's a plus…

While I will admit, if Brian Westbrook knocked on my door and asked to go half on a baby with me, I wouldn't even think about Greg. Greg who? But if Greg knocked on my door and asked me if I wanted to hang out, go to the movies or just chill, I would say yes in a heartbeat.

— Ciara wants Marty Morningwheg's head on a stick in front of City Hall. She's sick of this sh*t!

—-—-—-

Meghan:

Does an obsessive stat guy that formulated a superior system for predicting fantasy baseball performances count as a sports figure? If so, my unconventional sports guy crush is on Nate Silver, the Baseball Prospectus guy who came up with PECOTA. I actually came across him via his political blog, fivethirtyeight. But when I found out that he was also a baseball stat genius I was smitten. The man just screams nerdy awkwardness. And there's something about his lanky, slightly undernourished frame that just gives me butterflies.

I'm not joking. I love lanky, awkward, nerdy guys. And add in a love of sports, politics and math and you pretty much have my ideal man. I know most women want a strong, athletic guy with classically good looks who's also handy and can do stuff around the house, but whatever. Think about all the positives of a guy like Nate. He's smart, ambitious, hardworking, and from the Midwest, which pretty much means he's a nice guy. He will always have job, no matter how bad the economy is sports and politics always seem to create jobs. I like stable and reliable, probably because it's the opposite of what I tend to be.

While my experiences with fantasy baseball obsessed boyfriends have not been great, I willing to give it another chance. Really, they can't get much worse. And there's something about really nerdy, awkward guys that makes them better suited to deal with the emotional roller coaster that comes with dating me. Maybe it's that they are not used to having girlfriends and are willing to try harder. Whatever, Nate, if you are looking for a smart, cute, petite, strawberry blonde, who's slightly younger than you, let me know. I could see a move to Washington in your future with your political leanings, and that happens to be where I'm applying for jobs. It could be perfect.

— Meghan thinks Nate Silver should be the President Obama point person to fix the college football system. She loves nerds and also blogs about sports at Girls Don't Know Sports.

Mississippi High School Football Game Goes All The Way To State Supreme Court [High School Football]

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:15:40 EST

So here's a brain twister for you to chew over. Walnut High School in northern Mississippi has a playoff game tonight in the Class 2A quarterfinals—that is, unless lawyers for the parents of the team they beat the previous week can successfully petition the state supreme court to overturn a lower court ruling and put their school back in the playoffs. And all because of one of the most boneheaded refereeing decisions since, let's say, Sunday.

It's all started last Friday when Walnut was leading Leland High School in the final seconds of their second-round playoff game. Leland had the ball on the 33-yard-line on the final play of the game, when their quarterback ran down the field to the 15, then chucked the ball forward to the goal line, where it hit the ground and was picked up by a teammate, who then ran it into the end zone as time expired.

Now in no world is this a completed forward pass or a touchdown, but the referees called a penalty anyway, and gave Walnut the choice of accepting that or the score. They took the penalty, but since there was no time left on the clock, that should have been the end of the game. Yet, somehow Leland got the ball on the 20-yard line and was given another untimed down. Naturally, they scored a touchdown and won the game, 24-21.

And you thought the Steelers-Chargers refs were in the tank. Walnut was understandably ticked off about the whole thing and complained to the state athletic association who almost unanimously agreed that it was completely bogus. So they reversed the ruling on the field and gave the game to Walnut, putting them back in the playoff picture, and knocking Leland out. So Leland sued. And lost. Now, a tipster says that they're appealing that ruling as we speak (just hours before the kickoff of Walnut's next game) and the head of the Mississippi High School Activities Association says that if they win, he's just going to call the whole damn thing off.

"If (the parents) carried it on any further and a judge overruled this judge, we probably just wouldn't have any 2A playoffs," said Proctor. "We would just go on and have playoffs for 1A and the others (3A, 4A and 5A). It wouldn't be fair to let somebody play that had violated the rules and didn't go by the rules of the association."

Leland does have a point—the rule book says that game officials have the final say and cannot be overruled. But the rule book also says they got beat. Like "5th Down" Colorado beat. Like this isn't rugby and you can't just throw the ball wherever you want to beat. Like Bush v. Gore beat. You can't just go to court and expect that... oh right.

Update: Our same tipster tells us the Supreme Court told Leland to take a hike (something about not giving a crap about a stupid football game?), so Walnut's victory stands.

Leland parents' bid denied by Hinds judge [Clarion-Ledger]
Football refs really fouled up in Leland [Clarion-Ledger]

Lakers vs. Suns wasn't all it was cracked ...

DAULERIO — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:45:00 EST

Lakers vs. Suns wasn't all it was cracked up to be. [TalkHoops]

Afternoon Blogdome: Ram It All Night [Afternoon Blogdome]

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:30:37 EST

Blogdome@deadspin.com dances a little funky, so watch it, girl.

• You sing too, Deacon?: Take heart St. Louis fans. Your current team hasn't done anything this bad. Yet. [YouTube]

• Here's a hint; it's grey: Do remember the famous Grey Cup "Mud Bowl"? Do you remember what sport the Grey Cup is awarded for? [MyHogtown]

• Can you do any less?: Brush up on your Japanese baseball players now, because you don't want to be caught off guard when your stadium's sushi bar names a crab roll after them. [Walk Off Walk]

• Do you know me?: Here's an excellent guide for athletes to determine where they rank on the sports endorsement ladder. If you have to wear your jersey in order for viewers to know who the hell you are, you need a better agent. [Wrigleyville23]

• No actual sister kissing?: Some interesting ideas on how to settle NFL ties. My favorite arbitration method remains "country style." [The 700 Level]

The Big Lead has an excellent interview with ...

DAULERIO — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:00:27 EST

The Big Lead has an excellent interview with ESPN's Bob Ley...who shares these thoughts about working with SportsCenter's Josh Elliot: "He’s disgustingly handsome and even more offensively tall - and never missed an occasion, on a stand-up two-shot to start our Sunday show, to step even closer to the camera to further distort his Yao Ming height advantage over his dumpy partner and resemble a marauding monster from a badly lip-synched science fiction movie. But I digress." [The Big Lead]